Overcoming Sex Addiction - what to do today

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By: www.sexualcontrol.com

Added: 23 May 2008 Views: 83

Path : Dating & Relationship

Keywords: date dating love kiss woman man care feel feeling emotion closer hearth overcoming sex addiction

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It was another day of stress and conflict at work for George. He's home now and still feeling tense. He tries to relax by watching TV. It bores him. He goes for a walk. But it's lonely out there. He comes back home to listen to music. But he can't concentrate.

There is something that can relieve his stress. It's the old standby he's been using ever since he discovered it: sex. He might masturbate with porn or without it. He might try to have sex with his partner, or a stranger.

He resorts to the old standby. It works. But he knows the relief is only temporary. What's even worse is that he knows he will resort to it again, and again, and again. George is hooked.

He is one of the millions of people trapped in sex addiction because: 1) They are dependent on sex addiction to relieve stress. 2) They've tried to overcome their addiction by relying on the 12-step program or conventional licensed therapy, even though these approaches don't work for sex addiction. 3) They believe that sex addiction can't be overcome.

George and the millions of people who share his problem are not hopeless. Their problem is that they have never learned how to correctly overcome sexual addiction.

Signs of an effective appraoch

A correct approach will give George a good explanation of why his past attempts failed and why he still can succeed. It will give him answers that make sense to him. More importantly, he'll be able to apply those answers in his everyday life. He won't have to go to meetings for the rest of his life.

He won't have to rely on psychological medication. He'll be able to overcome his addiction on his own by applying the natural forces of his own mind to overcome his addiction.

Because he's relied on sex addiction to relieve stress, an effective approach must enable him to cope with the hardships and difficulties of life. It must also enable him to stop without developing a new addiction to replace the old.

Motivation is a big factor in successfully overcoming sexual addiction. He'll need to be taught which motivations are effective and which will work against him.

Not all sex addictions are the same. For instance, addictive masturbation with pornography is not the same kind of problem as promiscuity, although a person can develop both problems. An effective approach will teach him the ins and outs of dealing with these different problems.

Protect your relationship

If he stops incorrectly, he could end up losing all interest in sex. Then, he'll return to his addiction just so he can experience sexual pleasure. In his last attempt to stop, George was advised by his psychologist and his 12-step sponsor that when he wanted to use porn he should have sex with Felicia, his partner. At first their sex life improved. Then over time, as sex became more of an addictive fix for George, Felicia began to feel used. But she was afraid to turn him down because she didn't want him going back to porn.

Even though she did everything she could for him, when she was out of town for two weeks, he returned to his porn addiction because she wasn't available. He didn't know, and neither did Felicia, that sex addiction can be stopped without turning your partner into a substitute porn object.

George also needs a better awareness about the effects of sex addiction on a relationship and what he can do about them. The sexually addicted person not in a relationship needs to learn about the connection between unfulfilled intimacy and sexual addiction.

What to do right now

There are other problems caused by stopping incorrectly. For instance, the addicted person can become very depressed, feeling he lost his best friend. Or he can become very angry. A correct approach provides the motivation and techniques that eliminate these problems.

Right now the biggest problem that George faces, and the biggest problem any sexually addicted person faces, is the belief that they are hopelessly trapped in a life of sex addiction. The first challenge any sexually addicted person has is to make today the day he or she decides, "I can overcome my addiction. All I need is a correct approach. I can do it."

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Overcoming Sex Addiction - what to do today
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